Feeling stuck or unmotivated? Discover how Human Givens theory explains motivation through real-life moments, emotional needs, and gentle strategies that work.
It’s Sunday afternoon. I’m lying in the garden, completely wiped out.
I had a glass of wine last night to celebrate seeing a dear friend I hadn’t seen in two years. It was lovely, but I rarely drink, and today my body is feeling it. My mood is low. My motivation is lower. I have a list of things to do, and yet… I can’t seem to move.
My mind is racing even though I’m tired. Maybe you’ve been there too? That odd mix of restlessness and fatigue. You want to want to do something, but the engine just won’t start.
🤯Real Life, Not a Lecture
This blog isn’t a lecture. It’s more like sitting together on a garden bench, chatting.
I’ll share what happened next. And how a simple, grounded approach from Human Givens therapy helped me move from frozen to flowing.
But first, let’s rethink what motivation really is.
🧠So What Is Motivation, Really?
People often say:
- “Motivation is a feeling.”
- “Motivation comes from taking action.”
- “You have to push through.”
- “Motivation starts with a thought.”
But these don’t always help when your whole system says “no.”
According to Human Givens theory, motivation is part of a deeper process. We are born with:
- Emotional needs (like the need for safety, connection, achievement)
- Innate resources (like memory, imagination, self-awareness)
- A built-in drive to meet those needs when our system is balanced.
When something is off — poor sleep, stress, too much stimulation — our emotional brain slows us down.
As neuroscience researcher Joseph LeDoux showed, our feelings (especially those managed by the emotional brain) come before thoughts and behaviours. We move when we feel safe enough, or when our needs are in sight.
🐱 The Cat and 🚗the Car
Motivation is like a cat. 🐱
It won’t come if you chase it. But it might curl up beside you if you sit quietly and pay attention. (This is what happened in the garden. I chased my cat at first and he ran).
Your emotional brain? It’s the engine in your car. 🚗
- The engine: Emotions, instincts, energy
- The dashboard: Your thoughts (“I should tidy,” “I must reply to those emails”)
- The fuel: Your emotional needs (rest, connection, safety, control)
On that Sunday, I had no fuel. The engine was too warm. The dashboard was flashing messages, but I wasn’t moving.
⚙️What Helped Me Shift
Instead of pushing through, I did something simple:
- A progressive breathing technique which I often teach.
- I listened to the wind and felt the warm May sun on my skin.
- My cat came and lay beside me. I felt the connection with my cat resting against me.
- I allowed myself to be still, without judgment.
Within minutes, I dozed off lightly. And when I woke up, my mind was quieter. I imagined publishing this blog. I felt a flicker of energy. Enough to get up, write, and gently get a few things done.
That’s it. No forcing. Just calming the system.
️Therapy in Practice
When I work with clients, we often begin exploring the following:
“Which emotional needs of yours are not being met right now?”
Then, we look at your resources — your strengths — to help gently restore balance.
We don’t try to chase motivation. Instead, we create the conditions for it to return.
This might mean:
- Reconnecting with meaning
- Restoring control and autonomy
- Reducing overload and worry
- Practising grounding techniques
Motivation is not a fixed trait. It is more like a response to how well your needs are being met.
❓Helpful Questions for You
- When you feel unmotivated, do you judge yourself or listen inward?
- Which of your needs might be unmet today?
- What small action might bring emotional nourishment, not pressure?
❓FAQs – My final reflections:
Q: What if I can’t get started at all?
A: I would say that’s okay. Start by not starting. Sit with your feelings. Breathe. The first step is often to reduce inner pressure.
Q: Can a therapist really help with motivation?
A: Yes, at least I can help. Especially if low motivation links to stress, anxiety, burnout, or unmet emotional needs. Human Givens theory helps you understand what’s underneath.
Q: Isn’t motivation just about willpower?
A: Not really. Not for me. It’s more about restoring balance so your natural drive can return. Like watering a thirsty plant, or giving it the right nutrients at the right time — not yelling at it to grow.
Q: Is motivation a feeling or a drive?
A: It could be both. Human Givens theory sees motivation as a natural drive to meet emotional needs. That drive shows up as feelings, like curiosity or determination — but it will also depend on whether our system has what it needs to work well.
Q: How do thoughts fit in?
A: Thoughts can influence motivation, but they might not be the starting point. Emotion leads. Thought follows. The key is learning to calm or support the emotional brain first.
Q: What if I’m still stuck after resting?
A: It may be time to gently reconnect with meaning — what matters to you, even in a small way. Motivation often returns when we reawaken purpose, not pressure.
📶Final Thought: You’re Not Broken
If you’re lying on the sofa or sitting in your garden feeling flat, you are not lazy. You might be responding wisely to your current inner weather, or your compass.
You don’t need to fight yourself. You need to listen, rebalance, and support your system.
Motivation is not a switch. It’s a signal.
If you’d like help understanding that signal, I’m here.
🧭 Final Summary
What if motivation starts with a feeling in your body, not a thought in your head?
Your brain is constantly scanning for things that matter to you — like goals, fears, or unmet needs. When it finds something important, it feels something — excitement, fear, frustration — and then you think about it and decide what to do. This process goes on unconsciously.
As you become aware of your feelings. You don’t have to wait for motivation. You can work with your emotions, understand your patterns, and change your thoughts once you’re aware of what’s driving you.
👋 Ready to Talk?
If stress, anxiety, burnout or sleeplessness are stealing your energy, let’s chat. I offer warm, down-to-earth online therapy sessions that fit into your life.
Get in touch today to book a free consultation.
Or just start here: lie down, breathe, and ask gently, “What do I need right now?”
Marina Caroli I Human Givens Therapist | Online Support for Motivation, Burnout, Anxiety & Sleep
📚References
Lisa Feldman Barrett: How Emotions Are Made – Emotions shape thoughts more than the other way around.
Human Givens Institute (Griffin & Tyrrell) – Emotional Needs & Resources framework; APET model
Joseph LeDoux:
LeDoux, J. (1996). The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life
LeDoux, J. (2002). Synaptic Self: How Our Brains Become Who We Are
Antonio Damasio: The Feeling of What Happens – Emotion precedes conscious reasoning.
MINDFULNESS HELPER 